“Everyone Has a Phone!” – What to Do When Your Child Feels Left Out
If you’ve got a 9-year-old begging for a phone, you’re not alone. You’re hearing:
“I’m the only one without a phone!”
“Everyone’s texting after school!”
“If I don’t have a phone, I’ll have no friends and no social life!”
Sound familiar?
One mom recently reached out and said:
“My son is a good kid. I don’t think he’ll go looking for bad stuff, but I know that stuff can find him. He’s 9 and he wants a phone. His friends are texting and watching YouTube and I don’t want him to be left out. But I also don’t think he’s ready for a smartphone with access to everything on the internet. How do I navigate this?”
That’s a great question and it’s one we hear often.
Here’s what we want you to know:
It’s possible for your child to stay social and connected without handing over a full-access smartphone.
Let’s walk through how.
First, Validate Their Feelings
Let’s be honest. Your child’s feelings are real.
They do want to feel included. They do want to talk to friends like the other kids might be.
And when you say “not yet,” they’re going to be disappointed.
Acknowledge that:
“It makes sense that you want a phone. I’d want one too if all my friends had one.”
That doesn’t mean you have to say yes. But it means you’ll open the door to a conversation, they’ll feel heard, and that keeps communication open.
Next, Find Other Slow-Tech Families
Building a community of like-minded parents will be key to delaying smartphones. Your child would be okay with waiting on technology…if their friends were also waiting.
They’re worried they’re going to miss out, so help them see that they’re not the only ones without phones by starting a device-free playgroup or meeting at the park.
Host a meeting at your child’s school inviting parents who want to delay technology, first smartphones and social media. Momentum is growing and you’ll find your slow-tech allies.
In-person meet up groups are starting to pop up with this hashtag: #freeplayFriday
Start with Safer Communication Devices for Kids
A generation ago, we didn’t have safer options for starter devices. Now we do!
Learn about your first phone or smartwatch options here.
The benefits to these devices? No TikTok. No YouTube rabbit holes. No sneaking time. Just safer ways to stay in touch.
Help Them Connect Offline
Social connection doesn't have to be digital. In fact, some of the strongest friendships are built in-person.
Here are ways to encourage real-life connection:
Host a board game or Lego night
Plan a neighborhood popsicle party
Invite another family into a "no screens" weekend challenge (digital detox!) and plan something fun together
Encourage after-school clubs, sports, or library programs
Use our 100+ Boredom-Busting Offline Activities for Kids list to spark ideas
Tip: Put a few activities on the calendar and let your child invite a friend or two.
Set a Foundation Before You Say Yes to Any Device
Before you hand over any device, phone, watch, or tablet, make sure your child understands the responsibility that comes with it.
Here’s how:
Create a Family Tech Agreement
Even if your child doesn’t have a device yet, writing a Family Tech Agreement teaches healthy habits now.
This Agreement gives you space to talk through:
When and where devices are allowed
What information to keep private
How you’ll handle problems together
You’re Doing It Right, Even If It Feels Hard
You’re not being overprotective when you choose to delay technology. You’re being intentional.
We call it the “slow tech movement”, when you choose to introduce technology gradually, with your child’s mental health, maturity, and safety in mind.
If you’re worried about your child feeling left out, remember this:
Being socially connected doesn’t require being digitally consumed.
With your love and leadership, your child will stay connected to what’s most important and grow up confident, kind, and tech-responsible.