Summary of “Left to Our Own Devices” - A Back-to-School Tech Reset for Families by Heidi Fedore
Heidi Fedore was a high school English teacher for eleven years, assistant principal for six years, and principal for twelve in the Puget Sound area. Now she’s an author and blogger.
Recently, Center for Online Safety founder Lisa Honold and Heidi had a great conversation on prepping for the back-to-school season. Her thoughtful piece shines a spotlight on how tech habits can be reset to benefit everyone in the family and start the school-year strong.
You can find Heidi’s full article here.
Heidi starts with this:
“Heading back to school represents a reset of norms and habits, especially for families with school-aged children. Family includes aunts, uncles, grandparents–all caregivers.
At the beginning of the school year, schools create a system for reviewing the student handbook filled with expectations for behavior. The goal is to maintain a positive, productive environment. Often these expectations are posted in classrooms and hallways as a gentle reminder.
What if families reset their own norms every fall?”
As kids head back to school, it’s the perfect time for families to reset their own tech norms at home.
Key Takeaways for Parents & Caregivers
1. Treat digital limits like seatbelts
Lisa introduces the concept of “digital seatbelts”: age-appropriate tech guardrails that help protect kids while they learn to navigate the online world.
What limits should you be aiming for? (click here for a full Roadmap of Limits by Age and Stage)
Ages 3–11: Max 1 hour per day of screen time, ideally co-viewed with a parent and focused on educational or creative content.
Ages 12+: Limit to 2 hours per day of recreational or entertainment screen use. Schoolwork is separate. Begin introducing tech independence with close supervision. If your child needs a phone, make it a “dumb” phone or smartwatch.
Smartphones at 14+: Set up the smartphone with free parental controls available at Apple Screen Time or Google Family Link and consider the paid app Bark, which gives you access to how your child is using their devices. Delay social media.
Social media at 16+: This aligns with research and international trends. The EU, Australia and the UK have already passed legislation to raise the minimum age for social platforms to 16.
“Think of [tech limits] as digital seatbelts, not to restrict your child’s freedom, but to protect them while they’re still learning how to ‘drive’ in the online world.”
2. Build a Family Tech Agreement—and model it yourself.
This isn’t just for kids. It’s a whole-family tool that helps clarify rules, reduce nagging, and foster healthy boundaries. Get your Family Tech Agreement download here.
“When we give kids unlimited access to dopamine-heavy devices… it’s like handing them the keys to a Ferrari without a license.”
3. Rules without relationship don’t work.
Instead of focusing on control, Lisa encourages open-ended conversations, curiosity, and presence. Sit next to your child as they scroll, and ask them to teach you what they love online.
“You’re not just raising a rule-follower. You’re raising a critical thinker who can make safe, intentional choices online, even when you’re not watching.”
4. One small change = huge impact.
If you’re feeling overwhelmed by screen time battles, start with one change: remove devices from bedrooms at night. This simple shift improves your child’s sleep, safety, and mental health.
“Taking tech out of kids’ bedrooms, especially overnight, is non-negotiable in our book.”
Why This Matters
Summer time tends to be a season with fewer rules and more free time, which usually means more screen time. Without intentional resets, habits become hardwired and harder to change. With small, doable shifts and supportive guardrails, families can reduce screen time, take back their connection and their peace of mind.
Questions for Reflection as a Family (share with your community)
How is tech helping our family right now?
How is it hurting our connection, sleep, or routines?
What do we want more of: laughter, conversation, creativity?
What do we want less of: fights, isolation, stress, endless scrolling?
Helpful Next Steps for Families
Download your Family Tech Agreement from the Center for Online Safety
Watch the documentary Screenagers as a family or school community
Host a parent night or expert panel at your school to keep the conversation going
Lead the effort at school to put phones away for the day at school and let teachers teach without tech distractions. Here are two organizations with free resources to help: